Premier League PREDICTIONS

By: Shaun | August 10th, 2008

Right, i just thought a nice pre-season prediction was in order as we creep closer and closer to the big kick off on the 16th. A lot of people are saying that the league will be split into many smaller leagues such as the ‘big four’, UEFA Cup challengers, Mid table loungers and relegation fodder. You can make your own mind up about who goes where but heres my view on the matter.

20th Hull. They can’t be as bad as Derby but surely its a no-hoper.
19th West Brom. Why let Kevin Phillips leave? A proven, abliet old, goalscorer who knew how to score at the highest level. He’ll be back soon enough with Birmingham.
18th Blackburn. This is what happens when you leave a child in charge of adults.
17th Stoke. I think they will survive. Why try to unlock defences with intricate, tidy passes when you can blast through with the old big ‘oof.
16th West Ham. Nothing in their team to suggest improvement.
15th Bolton. Solid, strong and survival.
14th Fulham. With the squeaky-voiced, tongue-sticker-outer, part-time diver Andy Johnson on board they should be safe.
13th Everton. This is a club who have hardly got any players. I went along to their pre-season game against PSV yesterday and there where fans in the stand shouting “we’re skint and we know we are!” during the game. I liked the way that when police tried to calm the fans down, they were subjected to chants of “shit job no mates!”
12th Sunderland. With the Irish nutter in charge, the players will be too scared to play badly. Otherwise they become the victim of knee ligament ripping tackles in training by Mr Keane himself.
11th Newcastle. Owen will score a few, get injured, come back 10 games later and will remain the teams’ top scorer.
10th Middlesbrough. Alves will score, Boro will roar.
9th Portsmouth. UEFA Cup will leave the league campaign on the back-burner.
8th Manchester City. Likewise.
7th Wigan. The team is capable of this, thanks to the addition of brilliance like Amir Zaki. He will set the league alight, mark my words.
6th Aston Villa. Barry wants to go, Boumas crippled already, Young will shine and Villa will fly in all competitions.
5th Arsenal. Young kids will never win anything. How many times has that been said before….
4th Tottenham. Why not? The signings have been made, the manager looks decent and the experience is there amongst the team.
3rd Manchester United. An off season perhaps? Ronaldos been persuaded to stay but surely he can’t have another majestic season. Fergie will walk at the end.
2nd Chelsea. Big Phil should punch Fat Frank and teach the greedy bastard a lesson. Ballack will shine.
1st Liverpool. Torres and Keane will go together like Lampard and all you can eat buffets. Backed up by Gerrard, Kuyt and Voronin- who will have a much better season- i’m tipping them for champions.