PLAYER RATINGS
Pollitt. 7 had little to do but could have been at fault for goal.
Boyce. 8 A rock the centre of the defence.
Bramble 9 Superb, my man of the match- won everything in air and kept Le Sulk at bay.
Figeroioa 7 Sometimes disappeared.
Koumas. 7 Injured before the break but he had done well.
Cattermole. 6 I thought his distribution was ok but he ran around like a headless chicken. A poor man’s Brown
Palacious. 8 Committed.
Heskey. 7 Won the headers and looked more mobile than usual.
Zaki. 8 Ran around a lot and made good runs. Promising…
Melchiot. 8 Linked up well with Valencia.
Valencia 7. Sometimes disappeared during the game.

SUBS
De Ridder 3. Clumsy, couldn’t cross for his life and slow. Slipped about 100 times as well.
Kapo/ Camera didn’t have enough time to show what they could do.

GAME RATING: 5/10.

I couldn’t believe it. I had spent 2 hours fixing her tyre when she had another car at home which she could have used to get her car home! I pointed this out to the woman but she said that “The sticker is only a joke, calm down!!!”

I was upset because i didn’t realise about these joke stickers in the back of cars. A month later i saw the same woman in her car at some traffic lights. This time she had another sticker in her back window which said, ‘Baby on board’. I thought to myself, “hey love, you ain’t gonna trick me this time!”

So i put my foot down and slammed into the back of her car.

Jason Koumas is pushing for a start after scoring for Wales, and Ryan Taylor (shin) is back in contention - while Erik Edman (knee ligament) remains on course for an October return after resuming light training this week.

WIGAN ATHLETIC - CHELSEA
Kick-off at the JJB Stadium is at 1.30pm.

Wigan (from): Kirkland, Melchiot, Boyce, Scharner, Figueroa, Valencia, Cattermole, Palacios, Kapo, Heskey, Zaki, Bramble, Brown, De Ridder, Kilbane, Koumas, Taylor, Camara, Sibierski, Montrose, Nash, Pollitt.

MY PREDICTION: LATICS 2-1 CHELSEA

News in Wigan is slow this week i’m afraid but Heskey has managed to grab a place in the England squad due to Ashton picking up an injury during the defeat of Wigan on Saturday. I wish him luck but i feel he only may work up front with someone like Owen. Owen is on his traditional Summer injury break however, but someone speedy like Theo Walcott could do well when paired with Emile. If Heskey wins the headers and flicks some in the direction of Theo, then we could have a partnership to take everyone by surprise.

Now, i’ve heard suggestions about whether or not Great Britain should have an Olympic Football Team in 2012. The Olympics could cost around 12 Billion pounds. Yeah, thats right 12 Billion. Now, i would have thought that this money could have been spent better. We could write ‘FUCK OFF GERMANY’ onto the moon for that amount of money or we could have fed millions of starving people in the world.

Now, after the 39th game fiasco last season was shot to pieces, plans have emerged recently of mini 4 team new-year tournaments that take place in different parts of the globe. Now, i know that the Offside is read by many people around the world but would any Americans go and watch Wigan v Stoke in a rather pointless money-making exersise?

Since West Ham have an injury list the size of Ronaldo’s ego it was a bit disappointing to come away with no points. When i got to West Ham i thought i was somehow in Beijing, what with all the people walking round in tracksuits. It was like an olympic village!

Anyhow, it was Zaki’s first goal of many for the club and i found it ironic that he comes from a country where they used to rap important kings/people up in bandages when they died. In the West Ham treatment room its similar- except no one is dead.

When he signed for Newcastle for £5 million in 2002, many thought he was a bright, upcoming future England international. After a torrid time in the North-East, in 2007 he was bought for nothing by Wigan. At that time, many Wigan fans were confused. “Why do we need this moron when we are trying to fix a leaky defence which nearly cost us our premierleague status the season before?”

Those fans who doubted the move were left eating humble pie after Brambles first few performances in the Wigan shirt. He marshalled the defence superbly during early wins over Sunderland and Middlesbrough and the draw with Fulham. Even when things got a bit tough during a barren spell when manager Chris Hutchings was fired, Bramble was one of the players of the season so far.

When Hutchings was removed, Steve Bruce took over and his first match was at home to Manchester City. The game kicked off and then this happened…

And as soon as he missed that kick, the Wigan fans who had been against his signing suddenly found their voices which had been lost during Bramble’s faultless games. The humble pie had been thrown up into the sick bag.

The sensible fans stayed loyal to Bramble but in the stands there was still the odd murmer when he received the ball. “Don’t cock it up Titus, lad” was a common phrase heard about the JJB Stadium. I, like many others were sure that it was just a blip. Everyone makes mistakes but even though Bramble makes a few more than others he is still a quality player on his day. The end of the year rolled out with no more blunders from Titus- but then came the visit of Everton. It was 0-0 and the first half was nearing its conclusion. Wiganers had the belief that the Latics could win this game against a pretty strong Everton opposition. But, this goes and happens…

Hey, at least it wasn’t in the first minute.

Soon after, Bramble was dropped and Wigan (rather convieniently for the Bramble-haters went on a clean sheet run. Emerson Boyce came in to partner Paul Scharner and they seemed to have forged a decent pairing at the back. Its not as if Bramble isn’t allowed near the first team. Its just that those two have performed superbly and will be first-choice for the coming season.

All the abuse from other football fans directed towards Bramble isn’t warranted. He showed last season that he is a capable player. He is big, strong and good in the air as he showed by scoring that header against Aston Villa. Its his previous at Newcastle which has damaged his reputation and surely it can’t be very nice to read about how you are a ‘clown’ or a ’shambles’ when you are trying to do your job well.

One more thing though. In the first few seasons in the elite, Wigan had never managed to get any points off the big four teams. Then, away at Anfield, 1-0 down with about 10 minutes to go, guess who pops up…

Now lay off Bramble.

20th Hull. They can’t be as bad as Derby but surely its a no-hoper.
19th West Brom. Why let Kevin Phillips leave? A proven, abliet old, goalscorer who knew how to score at the highest level. He’ll be back soon enough with Birmingham.
18th Blackburn. This is what happens when you leave a child in charge of adults.
17th Stoke. I think they will survive. Why try to unlock defences with intricate, tidy passes when you can blast through with the old big ‘oof.
16th West Ham. Nothing in their team to suggest improvement.
15th Bolton. Solid, strong and survival.
14th Fulham. With the squeaky-voiced, tongue-sticker-outer, part-time diver Andy Johnson on board they should be safe.
13th Everton. This is a club who have hardly got any players. I went along to their pre-season game against PSV yesterday and there where fans in the stand shouting “we’re skint and we know we are!” during the game. I liked the way that when police tried to calm the fans down, they were subjected to chants of “shit job no mates!”
12th Sunderland. With the Irish nutter in charge, the players will be too scared to play badly. Otherwise they become the victim of knee ligament ripping tackles in training by Mr Keane himself.
11th Newcastle. Owen will score a few, get injured, come back 10 games later and will remain the teams’ top scorer.
10th Middlesbrough. Alves will score, Boro will roar.
9th Portsmouth. UEFA Cup will leave the league campaign on the back-burner.
8th Manchester City. Likewise.
7th Wigan. The team is capable of this, thanks to the addition of brilliance like Amir Zaki. He will set the league alight, mark my words.
6th Aston Villa. Barry wants to go, Boumas crippled already, Young will shine and Villa will fly in all competitions.
5th Arsenal. Young kids will never win anything. How many times has that been said before….
4th Tottenham. Why not? The signings have been made, the manager looks decent and the experience is there amongst the team.
3rd Manchester United. An off season perhaps? Ronaldos been persuaded to stay but surely he can’t have another majestic season. Fergie will walk at the end.
2nd Chelsea. Big Phil should punch Fat Frank and teach the greedy bastard a lesson. Ballack will shine.
1st Liverpool. Torres and Keane will go together like Lampard and all you can eat buffets. Backed up by Gerrard, Kuyt and Voronin- who will have a much better season- i’m tipping them for champions.

Your opinions on the above are valued.

Now, i appreciate that many of you are from America and might not receive Sky but for many subscribers in Britain and around the world we have to put up with Richard Keys smug face every weekend. And the smugness of the presenters isn’t the main problem. One word springs to mind when Sky go on about the league. HYPE. Yep, every so often there is a weekend when the ‘big four’ play each other. Strange how the fixture computer produces this scenario every season. Oh, no wait, thats the work of Sky. Usually, these so called ‘big four’ meetings prove to be dour stalemates but yet they are treated like royalty by Sky.

It is common knowledge that the big television corporations that own the rights to the league have immense control over the clubs. The clubs may be happy with the millions they earn off the t.v rights but some fans aren’t. How must some Manchester United fans feel when they’ve spent hundreds of their hard-earned cash on a season ticket to find out that Sky are going to show 11 of their home league games on the box? A subscription to Sky or a season ticket? Thats the decision facing many.
Being a supporter of Wigan (who are hardly ever on t.v) it is not as bad. You’re hardly likely to see Wigan v Hull on Sky because Sky think it will be boring and won’t attract the millions of fat bastard subscribers who sit on their arses watching the football, which a game like Manchester United v Hull would.

So, i could argue that the low attendences of some football clubs is due to the monopoly that companies like Sky and Setanta have on the league. The Championship, Leagues 1 and 2 are largely ignored while the likes of Andy Gray, Richard Keys and co drool over Ronaldo’s new boots. There is also never a bad game on Sky. Even if Bolton v Sunderland was completly woeful, the boys will sit in the studio and try to brainwash us into thinking it was a thriller. Listen Sky, i’m not stupid and neither are the many football fans who tune into your coverage. I don’t want to know what Sir Alex Fergeson does when his team scores. What a waste of electricity that is, by the way- a single camera pointed at the manager so we can see the way in which he jumps from his chair, runs down some steps and chews his gum while clapping his hands. Facinating, i’m sure you’ll agree and no doubt in the studio, Sky will analyse the way his jaw moves up and down as he chews.

Many fans subscribe to football so they can watch more of the game they love. They don’t need to be told what shape the ball is or who Martin Tyler showered with last night. They want quality football and insightful opinions from pundits who can actually speak properly and know what they are talking about.

So, Sky and the other T.V companies, give us a season of coverage to remember. For the right reasons…

Key signings have been made to improve the depth and quality of the squad during the summer. Zaki the Egyptian has been brought in to see if he can cut it in the Premier league. Arguably, he should since he is one of the most prolific strikers in international football. Hopefully Heskey will have a clean bill of health for more than 60 minutes a match this season and better performances are expected from Marlon King and Henri Camara if the Latics are to break into Europe.

Some people may argue that there are better teams out there but i disagree. Everton need Carol Vorderman to make up the numbers as they’ve signed no one, Aston Villa will be more burnt out than a car Joey Barton’s stolen thanks to their european adventure and if i went on a killing spree outside a police station then i would expect my barristor to put up a better defence than Tottenham.

So there we have it, Wigan for Europe!

(warning, hallucinogenic drugs should not be taken before the writing of blogs)

So, i’m contemplating assaulting one of my work collegues because we had a disagreement (he wouldn’t lend me a pen) and earlier on i stabbed a burning cigarette into a friends eye because i felt like it. I feel like me and some friends need to dish out some knuckles on a member of the public as well as they stand outside a McDonalds restaurant. I can do this safe in the knowledge that my employer will sack me and i will go to prison for a long time. The law will come down hard on me and my life will be ruined because i won’t be able to find any work or make any money.

One of those was the life of Joey Barton, the other was you or me. Any joker who thinks that footballers are treated like slaves needs to get tucked back in that mental asylum. Oh, and if a slave did what Joey Barton has done then i think he/she would have been shot by their owner.

Hint hint, Mr Keegan.